Eyes Above the Waves

"The call of God is like the call of the sea— no one hears it except the person who has the nature of the sea in him. What God calls us to cannot be definitely stated, because His call is simply to be His friend to accomplish His own purposes. Our real test is in truly believing that God knows what He desires. The things that happen do not happen by chance— they happen entirely by the decree of God. God is sovereignly working out His own purposes.

"If we are in fellowship and oneness with God and recognize that He is taking us into His purposes, then we will no longer strive to find out what His purposes are." - Oswald Chambers

I was sharing something the Lord has been teaching me with a friend last night, and it occurred to me that there might be more people who need to hear it. And honestly, I need to get in the habit of writing truth for myself again. I haven't written in a while except in my journal, and I think it's been hurting me as far as standing firm in God's promises goes.

Discerning the will of God is always a difficult process. After going through the uncertainty that is graduating college, suffering uncertainty upon returning to the United States, and continuing to suffer uncertainty about what life will look like after my current one-year assignment, I've been through a lot of times of what I call "possibility paralysis." I'm blessed in that the possibilities are endless. But such opportunity can sometimes make God's will seem unknowable. It has been so easy the past few years to feel like I'm groping around blind, or shooting in the dark, and just praying God will make something beautiful come from it. It has been easy to feel far from him, especially in times of indecision.

I think part of my indecision comes from the fact that there are too many voices, and that I'm often not strong enough to only listen to God's when so many others clamor to be heard (including my own). I was telling my friend yesterday that I'm realizing we have to learn to distinguish between the voice we hear in the prayer closet and the voice we hear when we're surrounded by people. Now, God often uses people to speak truth and direction into our lives, it's true. His primary means of accomplishing his mission of reconciling the world to Himself is through the Body of Christ, aka the church, aka people. Broken, messed-up people who somehow still manage to walk by the Spirit. But if people seem to be telling us something different from what we're hearing in our intimate times alone with God, when there are no other voices to be heard, we should probably go with the one we're hearing in the prayer closet. 

It is all too easy for us to be swayed by people - whether by what they actually think or just what we imagine they think. People are often our biggest idol. "Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe" (Proverbs 29:25). How many times do we believe we are incapable of something because someone has told us, directly or indirectly, that we can't do it? How many times do we believe we are worth nothing because someone has told us so? How many of our life decisions, like what career to pursue or even what hobbies to take up, are motivated by what others will think, by their approval? Often, we are convicted by the Holy Spirit to do something, but once we are around people, fear sets in and we find that thing difficult or silly. Say He calls us to ministry, but the next thing we know we are surrounded by friends who are doctors and lawyers, talking about their jobs we can't really relate to, and we begin to think ministry is an impractical pipe dream. Or the opposite - God calls you to be a teacher, and you feel like that occupation is worthless when you're hanging around with your friends who are in vocational ministry. Neither of these thoughts is true, and the Holy Spirit is equally present in both decisions, but we let people's audible voices drown out the still, small, intimate one.

This past weekend at a prayer retreat, I kept asking Father to reveal his will for my future. For just a word. He has brought John 15 to mind through a few friends recently, and it was also the theme of the retreat, so I meditated on that. All I kept hearing in answer was "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me" (John 15:4). Also, he said, "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit..." (John 15:16a). Abide. What a beautiful word, yet how difficult for us to constantly abide in Jesus rather than in our own selfish thoughts and desires. Honestly, this wasn't what I wanted to hear. I wanted something more specific. "Go there." "Do that." However, I recognize the truth of that word, abide. The more we are one with the Spirit, the more our decisions will naturally reflect His will. Our goal is for there to be no separation, that we are living and breathing in and out the life of Jesus, that we have died completely to ourselves and completely taken up the glorious life of Christ. Then, we won't even have to question our decisions. There will be no distinction between the Spirit's desires and ours.

We underestimate the power of the Spirit inside us. We underestimate our oneness with Him. We don't believe Jesus when He says, "If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him" (John 14:23). We need to know that, if we are abiding in Him, whatever we choose will ultimately turn out to be His will. At the time, we might be shakily making the decision, only feeling it to be slightly better than the alternative. We just might "feel more at peace" with it. Or perhaps doors were shutting in the other direction. But we proceed in prayer, placing one trembling foot forward, telling Him we prefer His plans to ours and inviting Him to come make His home in and with us. And one day, as with past decisions, we know we will look back and be able to see God's hand at work. We will be able to see what He had in mind.

I heard somewhere that we shouldn't trust ourselves to accurately discern God's voice; rather, we should trust Him to make His voice clear to us. A lot of times, when we are worrying about the future, we give ourselves a lot more credit than we are due. We actually think it's up to us to make God's plan happen. I think Moses did too. I mean, God appeared to Moses in a burning bush, spoke audibly to him, and yet Moses still worried about what he was being told to do! "Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" "I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain" (Exodus 3:11-12). See what God did there? Moses asked, "Who am I that I should make your plan happen?" And God basically said, "It's about who I am, not about who you are. I will be with you. That is the only reason you can succeed. And the sign you are looking for will not come until after you have already obeyed."

If the call of God is like the call of the sea, it means that sometimes the waves will lap at our feet just enough to remind us to get in the boat, but we may not always know our destination from there. In fact, I would say we usually won't. It would be so easy for us to stay on the shore and walk parallel to His plan rather than toward it, but that is not God's desire for us. And it will not bring about the abundant life. He desires for us to get in the boat, push away from the voices on the shore, and face our fear of the unknown. And though we may not be able to see the next destination, we will see the figure walking on the water who called us out in the first place, pulling us right along behind Him and continuing to whisper, "Come, follow me."