I'm always afraid to try out God's power. I've wanted for a while to see God heal someone miraculously through me, and yet I'm terrified to ask friends if they want me to pray healing over them. I usually just take the safer way out: "I'll be praying for that." Let's just say I'm not like Elijah, daring people to call down fire from heaven and see whose God answers.
But lately I've been reading and hearing stories of friends...not friends of friends, or someone who knows someone who knows someone...my friends, who have healed people instantaneously in the name of Jesus, or who have done some other immediate miracle.
I want to see that.
At Rez Week tonight, this huge screen we were using to project worship lyrics kept almost falling over because of the wind. I was right under it. It was really causing a distraction, as people kept looking away from the speaker to see it sway back and forth. People eventually had to take it down during the speaker's talk, and then began setting it back up so we could end in worship (by the way, if any of you ever read this, thank you for your servant hearts).
I asked a sweet girl near me if she would pray with me that the wind would stop, and just that there would be no distractions and we would all have undivided hearts as we worshiped. We prayed together, as I cited to God the time when Jesus calmed the storm for his disciples and asked him to do the same now. The wind stilled for a minute.
But I was so afraid it would start back up again. So worried. And Jesus says not to worry.
Why was I afraid? I was afraid God wouldn't answer. I was afraid it would only stop for a moment and then start up again and I would doubt if God even listened or heard. I kept stressing out in my mind, wondering why I always do this after I pray...I always look desperately to see if God will say yes, if he will pull through.
Then the wind kicked back up (and just to be clear, it never kicked back up to the levels it had been before, and God had already blessed us and answered my prayers by holding back the thunderstorm that was supposed to happen tonight).
But I distinctly heard God saying: What difference does it make if I stop the wind? Will you be disappointed in me if I don't stop the wind? Ashamed? Will you lose faith? Maybe I have a purpose for the wind. Maybe I have a purpose for every inconvenience.
And he also pointed out an area of pride in my heart. Another reason I'm afraid to pray specific things over people to their face is that I'm afraid it won't happen and that they'll think my faith is phony or that I'm crazy. I'm afraid to look stupid in front of them. I was afraid the sweet girl I prayed with would think I'm not truly connected to God or something because my prayer didn't work. That is the wrong motivation. I need to pray over people and their situations because I love them and because I want God's healing and renewal in their lives, not because God needs to pull through so I can look good.
Then the most amazing thing happened as the wind blew. A girl who had been helping to hold the screen steady let go and jumped right in front of the screen as we worshiped.
And she started dancing.
Then another guy behind her began dancing.
Then people began jumping and laughing.
A thought came to my head: "If God chooses not to stop the wind, we will still dance in it."
And God said, "Calming the storms brings me glory, but it brings me even more glory when my followers choose to dance in the middle of the storms."
And I began laughing as I applied this to the rest of my life. To all my unanswered prayers, to all my unrealized longings, to all my heartbreaking moments. I felt Jesus smiling over me as I joined in dancing with so many others, as we ecstatically sang, "Let hope rise, and darkness tremble in Your holy light." And meant it.
We worshiped without distractions and with undivided hearts. The wind didn't completely stop...but there was no way it could keep us from dancing.
