Perfect love casts out all fear.

I see a lot of fear in dating.

Does this person like me? What if they don’t? What if there’s someone better out there for me? Maybe I should keep “talking” to someone else, just in case this person doesn’t work out. Maybe I’ll keep dating this guy a little longer even though I know he isn’t right for me, just to see if I can make him right.

We don’t know each other well enough. We think that by drinking and pressing up against each other, we can somehow get into each other’s souls. When it comes down to it, I think that’s the motivation of getting drunk, anyway. It makes us more open, it casts out our fear…until morning, when we’re afraid about what we did or who saw us behave a certain way, afraid of who we opened our hearts to…so then we drink again to suppress our fear. It doesn’t matter how closely your chest is pressed against another person’s back, how much of their sweat ends up on you; you’ll never get to know their heart that way. Not that dancing isn’t fun, and not that dating isn’t fun, but where is the reality that we long for in life? How much of what we say to others is real, and how often do we hold things back that we want to say because we’re so afraid the other person will hurt us, or even worse, that we’ll hurt them?

Sometimes I just want to be at the next stage of life. I want to skip all this tiresome, fearful searching and just be married already. I’m afraid of being open with someone because I’m afraid they’ll be the wrong person, and I’m afraid of what they’ll think of my heart. I shouldn’t be afraid of that, but I am because we’re not delicate with other people’s hearts. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we cradle them in our arms, and we don’t treat each person’s heart as the precious, fragile gift that it is. We want to be honest, but honesty hurts. And honesty isn't always comfortable.

You know why we love the climaxes of movies? Because in those moments, people finally say what they mean. The hero rushes into the church just as the minister says, “Speak now, or forever hold your peace.” At that point, is he even thinking, “What if she just stares at me blankly and says she loves the other guy more, or that I’m being stupid, and all my dreams evaporate into humiliation?” Is he afraid? No, because his love is so perfect that it has cast out all his fear. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him, he’s not afraid of the future, he only knows that right now he must speak because the other guy doesn’t love her like he does, or because the hero did something to hurt her and wants one last chance to show her how much he cares for her. This girl means so much more to him than his own pride, and not just his pride, but his entire self.

Lately I’ve been praying that God will make me perfect in love, so I can say what I feel and do what I know is right without fear of being wrong or being shamed or being friendless. How often have we wanted to say things like, “I really want to get to know you better,” or “I came here just so I could talk to you,” or “It made my day to see you,” or "You're the kindest person I know," but haven’t because we are afraid that the other person will misinterpret us or run from us, that our cradled heart will be thrown away? 

And of course you may be thinking, well, Becky, that all sounds great, but the fact remains that my heart CAN be thrown away. If that person misinterprets me, how will I repair the relationship? I think, however, that this stems from a misunderstanding of what perfect love is. Perfect love does not need reciprocation; it always hopes and always perseveres because it knows that hearts do exist that will reciprocate, that won’t misunderstand, that won’t run away. Perfect love is not about being loved, it is about valuing others so highly that you don’t care what they do to you or what they think of you, as long as you can serve them. I want this kind of love so badly, this truly Christ-like love. I think some of us cradle broken hearts, or even potentially broken hearts, or hide unbroken ones with shields on all sides, not because “we’ve been hurt and we’re just fragile” or anything silly like that. We hide our hearts because we do not have perfect love. Our hearts do not have enough love to withstand rejection…our hearts, in fact, contain more pride than love. And how can we ever love someone the way Christ has loved us if we have a heart full of pride?

Unveiled Faces

From The Four Loves:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from the perturbations of love is Hell."


Some days, I look at my life with its "hobbies and little luxuries," its meaningless laughter and diversions, its imitations of love, and see an environment hostile to reality...the fragile creation of a person trying desperately to pretend ownership of my own life. It's on those days that I realize the surest path to hell is not to do evil things, but to never awaken to reality...which is why, in some ways, I'm far more worried about my rich, "good people" American friends than starving children overseas or people who have done terrible things. What do a starving child, a murderer, and a victim of the sex trade have in common? They all know there is such a thing as evil and that we by ourselves are too weak to conquer it.

A distracted environment is far more hostile to the Truth than an evil one.

It's on these days when I realize the current trappings of my life mean nothing, nor are they what I rejoice in. But what I love - that matters. And what I love is Jesus Christ, because He is the only thing that is real in a world full of unrealities, diversions, and deceit. And even when life is dark, I see His Love everywhere! In His Word, in books, in conversations, in people's eyes, in animals, in growing green things. The Creator can be seen in all of His creations, and with the new eyes He has given me, I can see beauty where before I could only see ugliness.

"To love at all is to be vulnerable." My life's goal is to have a vulnerable heart before Christ. To allow Him to hurt me so I can change for the better, to clean me up when I'm dirty and pick me up when I've fallen. To allow Him to bless me when I don't deserve it, love me when I hate others, and lead me when I want to walk in the other direction.

You can't know the Truth if you refuse to be vulnerable, nor can you know Love.


From 2 Corinthians:

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

My dream is for reality...not the ugly reality of this world that will pass away, but the truth of my everlasting God who will one day destroy everything that has caused pain, anger, jealousy, or hatred. That is how I try to live every day, seeking reality. I won't always write things as heavy as this, but it's important that you know why I do everything I do. Why I want to know you for who you are. Why I want us to stop pretending. Why I want you to know this Mediator between God and Man, Jesus Christ.

So that one day, we can all stand with unveiled faces before Him, finally free...and fully loved.