Wake Up.

"Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." Ephesians 5:14

I have been meditating on this verse for a long time. Thankfully, it is not just a command to us; it is also a promise for others:

"Your dead shall live; their bodies shall rise. You who dwell in the dust, awake and sing for joy!" Isaiah 26:19

Jesus has awakened me, and I am thankful. But I want the other dead to live as well, to wake up and embrace the lives they have been given rather than live in fear. Why do we have so many dead people walking around?

How many people I know who have resigned themselves to occupations they don't like, to hating work and then drinking alcohol to forget work and then drinking coffee in the morning to stay alive for work. Students hate school and yet let it master them, being anxious and jealous, never feeling smart enough or good enough, and putting down fellow students to make themselves feel better. Americans eat well, drink well, and work hard, and yet are starving.

What is wrong with us? Have we no hope? We only have 80-something years to live if we're lucky, and we're spending it like this? And all too often, if we do quit school and go off to "find ourselves" or "truly live," we only end up in poverty, drinking all the time to forget our actual lives. Why are we so dead, and how do we resurrect ourselves?

I thought about how to best sum this up. Of course, Jesus is the one who conquered death, who raises us from the dead, and who will grant us eternal and abundant life. But what is it about Jesus that makes his promises so eternal and steadfast? Faith, Hope, and Love. It's no coincidence that "faith, hope, and love abide (1 Corinthians 13:13)." What does "abide" mean? It can also be translated as "remain" or "will last forever." Haha! I think we have found our definition of LIFE! We need to put ourselves in situations where faith is necessary, hope is possible, and love is a choice. Life must be so uncertain that we have to live by faith. We must be working so much for change that we allow ourselves to hope again. And we must surround ourselves with people we choose to love, not people we are genetically predisposed to love or people who are exactly like us. This is how to come alive.

We'll just take a hypothetical person. She graduated in the top 10% and now studies at UT, where she feels mediocre because she is no longer "the smart girl" in class. She's only average here. So she joins a sorority trying to find belonging and meaning, but instead only feels more insecure as she tries to fit the mold of a beautiful, successful, intelligent, "all-around" kind of girl. She is enslaved to comparing herself to others. Then she graduates to work in a PR firm, where she still fails to find meaning because she spends her day helping a corrupt client gloss over its human rights violations. At the end of the day she goes out for drinks with her girlfriends, laughing unnaturally, telling herself she is living the good life but wishing she could meet just one decent guy at these bars she frequents who won't just abandon her. She's too scared to leave the country or to even talk to people who are different from her (not to mention her friends would think she is weird). And she wonders...is this the American Dream?

Let's take that same girl and instill her with faith, hope, and love. Going to UT is still really hard, and she fights the urge to feel that she's worth nothing compared to the many successful friends she's made. But rather than giving into the temptation of self-hatred, she decides to have faith that she has a purpose here and hope that she will fulfill it. She realizes that she can study her hardest and there will still always be people who seem more intelligent than her...but then, when she looks at Jesus and at what He values instead of what the world values, she begins to look at her hands rather than her body or even brain. She puts these hands to use loving people, using her communications skills to teach English to refugee families and hanging out with unloved people on the streets. She finds peace with who she is, and therefore continues to have peace when she graduates and looks toward her uncertain future in a struggling job market. Although she ends up waiting a while to find a job and endures many moments of feeling she has failed her parents, God, and herself, she eventually begins doing PR work for a local nonprofit that helps the homeless. She still hasn't found the love of her life or, for that matter, her dream job, but is resting in God's promises and learning that his love is more than enough. She is now studying a foreign language and dreams of ending poverty in that area of the world.

Is her life any easier? Not by a long shot. But is it more abundant? Does it have eternal significance? You bet. The first version of this girl was deadened and saddened, while the second version was awakened to her true calling and purpose.

What's sad is, some of you will read this and then go away thinking it doesn't apply to you. "Well, I AM one of the few who is called to be rich and comfortable" or "That sounds nice, but being idealistic gets you nowhere." When Jesus says he has come that we may have LIFE and have it to the full, what does he say before that? "The enemy comes to steal and kill and destroy" (John 10:10). The lives of Americans are being stolen and destroyed, and quite successfully. We're perpetuating the enemy's deceit and theft through the paths we encourage our children to take and the lies we continue to tell ourselves - namely, that comfort and security will bring us the abundant life. They never have and never will.

I have to add one more thing here, along the lines of comfort and security. If God has told you to do something and you haven't obeyed because you "love your family too much," you are flat-out sinning...not to mention missing the abundant life God has for you. Whether you are close to your mother and father and don't want to leave them, or whether you want to "protect" your children by raising them in the United States rather than, say, Uganda, it is still sin if God has tugged your heart elsewhere. We are commanded to love others above ourselves, and we are to honor our father and mother and care for our children - these things are true. But Jesus says very straightforwardly, "Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me" (Matthew 10:37). And he means it. Probably when you have said these excuses to fellow Christians in our culture, you have been met with understanding smiles and nods: of course you should feel that way and it is only natural and of course God can't expect you to put your kids in danger. But disobeying God is far worse than taking your kids to Africa.

That said, God certainly does not want you to abandon your family in their time of need. 1 Timothy 5:8 says, "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." If you have a child, it is your top priority to provide for him or her, and if you have elderly parents whose health is failing, likewise. Although there are many who have been called to go and yet stay, there are also some who are itching to change the world but in the process neglect the responsibilities God has already given them. Remember what Jesus says in Luke 16:10: "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." Be a faithful steward of what you have now, and trust that if God has given you dreams he will fulfill them in his timing and as your faith grows.

If you do not yet have a family and are waiting to obey God until he provides you with a husband or wife to comfort you, this too is a sin that betrays a lack of faith in the sufficiency and providence of Christ. Luke 16:10 also applies to you. And there is a second part to those two verse at the top that I want you to notice: "Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." "...You who dwell in the dust, awake and sing for joy!" When God wakes us up from our safe and comfortable lives and sends us on uneasy journeys that require faith, hope and love that can only come from him, He also shines on us and gives us joy. He provides everything. When I think of the phrase "shine on you," I think of the sun with its warmth, happiness, and comfort. If Christ shines on us, it is as if he turns his face to us in approval, and his blessings come down just like rays from the sun. And when we awake, we then sing for joy because Jesus fills us with such abundant life that we are about to burst with blessing.

So believe his promises, and ask him right now what waking from your sleep and rising from the dead mean for you. You may need to simply notice someone you ignore on the street each day, you may need to change jobs, or you may even need to move your entire family overseas. Are you living the abundant life?

Listen.

            Listening to people’s stories is so important. It has been one of our themes at the Baptist Student Ministry this year, and it’s also been a theme of my life. Some wonder how on earth we can connect with those who are radically different from us, and the answer is to simply listen. No one will ever object to someone who is genuinely interested in his or her life experiences, no matter how different that listener may be.

There is abundant joy in connecting with those who are different from us. A lot of us miss personal growth and adventure in our lives because we are too afraid to talk with someone who is from another country, or who is too rich, too poor, of a different faith, or of a different color. This is why I love hanging out with international students so much. I learn so much from them – about their culture, about myself, and about life. But one people group I have struggled with is the one that walks the streets each day, the one without homes. Yesterday there was a block party held for street youth outside the Co-op, and I was almost too afraid to go. I have been praying for the poor in west campus for a while. It pains me to walk past them and go about my own business while they are overlooked…I know just doling out money isn’t the answer, and yet I haven’t known how else to proceed. I always feel guilty around them because I have so much and they seem to have so little (and I don’t mean only possessions). I knew this block party, though, was a way God would grow me and a way he would answer my prayers.

Now, here’s the thing. I love going to Church Under the Bridge and hanging out with the homeless and working poor there. But when I’m walking by on the drag, they treat me differently, calling out for money and sometimes hurling insults when I don’t respond. I think they assume that I would never actually love them because they’ve been conditioned to believe they are unwanted by mostly everyone, often even their own families. I try not to be annoyed because I know any anger just comes from an unfulfilled need for love. And these may be some of the same people who will have deep conversations about life experiences and spirituality with me at Church Under the Bridge. What’s the difference? At Church Under the Bridge, they know I desire a connection with them, because otherwise I wouldn’t be there. In addition, we are caring for their physical needs by providing food and hygiene kits, so they find it easier to believe we are interested in their emotional and spiritual needs. But on the drag, I could be just another selfish college student walking by, concerned only with my dreams and getting what I “deserve” out of life.

However, when I am in a situation that allows me to bridge that barrier and show the love of Christ, or when I take action to create that kind of situation, I love talking with the homeless and poor. They are often incredibly interesting because they have the most extravagant, wonderful dreams. And there is such strength that comes from being homeless. As my new friend Shorty told me, “If I know I can make it when I have no job, when I have nothing, then I know I’ll be able to make it when I do have a job.” He was laid off from the military after participating in Operation Desert Storm and going to Afghanistan. Since then, he hasn’t been able to find work, but he maintains the joy that comes from living in Christ and helping others. That’s another amazing thing. Many of these homeless and working poor volunteer to help each other out. They volunteer with many of the ministries that have helped them out continually in the past, and they desire to help their fellow street-dwellers once they have the means to do so.

Samantha ran away from home and was taken in with love by a couple of churches here in Austin. She has befriended some UT students who give her rides where she needs to go, especially when the buses stop running. She been working to get back on her feet, and her dream is to be a veterinary technician and help animals on the streets. My other new friend Samantha has lived in San Antonio and San Marcos, has attended trade school, but couldn’t find a job after she left on medical leave and has therefore been on the streets for two months. However, God provides for us in our times of need, and he has blessed her with a fiancé who graduated from that same trade school. Together they are trying to get back on their feet. Samantha dreams of one day operating a taxi business that gives the homeless free rides when the buses stop running.

Rahn volunteers a lot with Church Under the Bridge, which I’ve already attended a few times, and he brews something called Rahn’s Health TreaT that he believes has cured many people of “incurable” diseases. When I mentioned that I’ve recently started drinking kombucha, he said his drink is like kombucha (fermented tea and fruit) taken to the next level. Soon, he says, his drink will be featured on The Ellen Show and Oprah. He has used his creativity and inventiveness to start his own business and to help others. One thing that really stuck out to me was that even when he had just barely gotten enough money to get his own home, he began inviting his homeless and poor friends in to share meals with him.

Then there is Susan, who has a pet rat named Pie. Pie is white and likes to fall asleep on my arm when I hold her. You can often see Susan walking around west campus with Pie on her shoulder. She has published a book about her past and hopes to earn a living from that enterprise.

I don’t mean to make it sound like all these people are perfect; as with all of us, there is some beauty and some ugliness. There is a lot of stealing, and therefore a lot of hurt, within the community itself. Rahn left his jar of health tea unattended for just a minute and looked up just in time to see a girl trying to make off with it. Shorty rides his bicycle a few hours out into the country everyday and camps out there so that no one will be around to steal his things. There’s also, of course, a lot of distrust of those who are wealthier. Even after talking with someone for an hour, it’s still sometimes difficult for me to tell if this person would even really consider me a friend or thinks I am just too different from them. If they see me again walking down the drag, will they just call out for money and forget that we once shared a meal together? But you have to look in the middle of all the brokenness and see the good things. The reason many of these people steal is that they don’t know what it’s like to be a good steward of their possessions and to take pride in the things they own. They have never owned enough to develop that mentality, or they have seen such a negative mentality modeled by their families and have naturally followed them. We have to encourage and love people even in the middle of flaws.

By listening to them, I feel that I can overcome fears and bridge barriers. Something that is encouraging to me, that gives me a small glimpse of heaven, is that these people all have stories of how the church has been for them when no one else was, how vibrant limbs in the living body of Jesus (read: people like us) have picked them up. The church is truly the Church when it gets its feet in the mud and plunges its hands into the dirt just to lift one soul out of it, not caring how dirty its hands get but only that a person is saved. Being in the middle of an American church that’s gotten a bad reputation of being materialistic and simply bolstering the status quo, I have to say that it’s in the small, overlooked communities like the street youth that you will find the Kingdom of God. My friend Shorty looks forward to the new heaven and the new earth, when there will be no more wanting and no more disparity of wealth. One will not starve while another feasts, and no person’s story will be less valuable than another’s.

I like to pray.

I like to pray for that girl passing me on the street with earbuds shoved in and eyes cast down to the concrete, looking like she's carrying the world on her shoulders.

I like to pray in bars on Sixth Street, not that the people in them will "be safe" or stop drinking, but that they will know the full joy and, well, drunkenness, that comes from living in the Spirit.

I like to touch my computer screen and pray healing over my friends who post about their physical, emotional, and spiritual pain.

I like to pray for my future husband. I don't know if he's even out there, but I still pray blessing and guidance and fulfillment over him, trusting that Jesus will at least grant that to someone.

I like to pray as I kayak on Town Lake, thanking God for afro-ducks and honking geese and overly defensive swans, because they add a lot of joy and humor to my life.

I like to pray as I'm climbing rocks that Father will show me where to put my feet, because after all he knows every little groove in that rock and how it's been worn away by the wind and water (and maybe even by feet like mine).

I like to touch maps and pray for other nations, and for my friends who are in other nations serving "the least of these" and loving their neighbors as themselves. If Jesus told the Good Samaritan story today in response to "Who is my neighbor?", it might involve one of these countries we perceive as "not as important" as America. It's okay that they have to live like that, as long as we don't have to live like that, right?

I like to pray for the people I will meet in East Asia, that even now God will grow love in us for each other and that he will open my eyes to their needs.

I like to pray miraculous healing over people, though this is something I haven't done much yet. But I want to start doing it more because I believe in a God who raises the dead.

I like to throw my head back and laugh and lift my hands and jump around because I can't believe how amazing Jesus is and that I get to call him mine.

I like to meditate on heaven and the little moments of joy here that are only faint glimpses of my forever.

I like to pray for those who feel they can see only darkness in life, or that they are facing some insurmountable obstacle. I pray for the obstacle to be cleared and for the light to shine in the darkness.

I like to pray for the people in my classes who are enslaved to the idols of school and "success," that they will know the freedom of trusting the Father and not worrying about tomorrow.

I like to pray for you.

Dancing in the Storm

I'm always afraid to try out God's power. I've wanted for a while to see God heal someone miraculously through me, and yet I'm terrified to ask friends if they want me to pray healing over them. I usually just take the safer way out: "I'll be praying for that." Let's just say I'm not like Elijah, daring people to call down fire from heaven and see whose God answers.

But lately I've been reading and hearing stories of friends...not friends of friends, or someone who knows someone who knows someone...my friends, who have healed people instantaneously in the name of Jesus, or who have done some other immediate miracle.

I want to see that.

At Rez Week tonight, this huge screen we were using to project worship lyrics kept almost falling over because of the wind. I was right under it. It was really causing a distraction, as people kept looking away from the speaker to see it sway back and forth. People eventually had to take it down during the speaker's talk, and then began setting it back up so we could end in worship (by the way, if any of you ever read this, thank you for your servant hearts).

I asked a sweet girl near me if she would pray with me that the wind would stop, and just that there would be no distractions and we would all have undivided hearts as we worshiped. We prayed together, as I cited to God the time when Jesus calmed the storm for his disciples and asked him to do the same now. The wind stilled for a minute.

But I was so afraid it would start back up again. So worried. And Jesus says not to worry.

Why was I afraid? I was afraid God wouldn't answer. I was afraid it would only stop for a moment and then start up again and I would doubt if God even listened or heard. I kept stressing out in my mind, wondering why I always do this after I pray...I always look desperately to see if God will say yes, if he will pull through.

Then the wind kicked back up (and just to be clear, it never kicked back up to the levels it had been before, and God had already blessed us and answered my prayers by holding back the thunderstorm that was supposed to happen tonight).

But I distinctly heard God saying: What difference does it make if I stop the wind? Will you be disappointed in me if I don't stop the wind? Ashamed? Will you lose faith? Maybe I have a purpose for the wind. Maybe I have a purpose for every inconvenience.

And he also pointed out an area of pride in my heart. Another reason I'm afraid to pray specific things over people to their face is that I'm afraid it won't happen and that they'll think my faith is phony or that I'm crazy. I'm afraid to look stupid in front of them. I was afraid the sweet girl I prayed with would think I'm not truly connected to God or something because my prayer didn't work. That is the wrong motivation. I need to pray over people and their situations because I love them and because I want God's healing and renewal in their lives, not because God needs to pull through so I can look good.

Then the most amazing thing happened as the wind blew. A girl who had been helping to hold the screen steady let go and jumped right in front of the screen as we worshiped.

And she started dancing.

Then another guy behind her began dancing.

Then people began jumping and laughing.

A thought came to my head: "If God chooses not to stop the wind, we will still dance in it."
And God said, "Calming the storms brings me glory, but it brings me even more glory when my followers choose to dance in the middle of the storms."

And I began laughing as I applied this to the rest of my life. To all my unanswered prayers, to all my unrealized longings, to all my heartbreaking moments. I felt Jesus smiling over me as I joined in dancing with so many others, as we ecstatically sang, "Let hope rise, and darkness tremble in Your holy light." And meant it.

We worshiped without distractions and with undivided hearts. The wind didn't completely stop...but there was no way it could keep us from dancing.

Heaven is My Home

God's been speaking to me about death a lot lately, in funny ways. An article cited below, a song called Prospekt's March by Coldplay, a song by my friend Micah, and a funny book called "All my friends are dead" that you can find in any Urban Outfitters window, to name a few. Either way, death is on its way for all of us, and we never know when it will come. I love that line in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in the Tale of the Three Brothers: "Ignotus then greeted Death as an old friend, and together they departed this world as equals." Is Death really an old friend, and if so, how?

How can the Christian long for heaven and yet be content here? How can I enjoy what God has given me on earth without being adulterous with the world? After all, "Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life" (John 12:25). Am I supposed to hate my life?

I do think many believers have too much of a love affair with the world. It's what keeps us from being absolutely insane for Jesus. However, does Jesus mean we're supposed to mope around and wish we were dead? There are moments when I truly want to forsake this world and be in heaven with Christ, because the world is being unkind to me...but most of the time I enjoy living, even as I realize that the next life will be infinitely better. And I think that's how it's supposed to be.

To avoid having a love affair with the world, we have to learn to see the things we enjoy as tiny glimpses of heaven, not things that are inherently of the world. I think God is teaching me that. It's easy to love the world too much and Christ too little when life is going well. On the flip side, when life is going terribly, it's easy to complain and wonder why we still have to be here and why Christ hasn't rescued us yet. Simplicity is the answer. If we decide we will only love Christ - and I mean only love Christ - then we will naturally adore the things that are of Him (yes, even the material things) and hate the things that are against Him.

Once we are born again, our home becomes elsewhere. It's almost as if we were born in heaven and then sent here for a while, only to return at the end of our lives. Imagine your real-life home, with its comforts and pleasures and delicious smells. Now imagine that you were to go on a trip with a ridiculously important mission for a long time, unable to return home until that mission was completed. The sweetest moments would be the times you were reminded of your home, the place where you can be truly comfortable and completely yourself. I think our moments of joy and satisfaction here on earth are just glimpses of our real home. Of course I mean things like food and laughter...but I even mean more intense things like music and romance and sex. God would not create something on earth that is better than heaven, or that is more satisfying than Him. Nothing could be better than heaven. And that is why when we do finish the race, we can greet death as an old, long-expected friend...no matter when it "interrupts" us on our journey.

"Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered, and that my life is fleeing away." Psalm 39:4 (The man after God's own heart knew that we need this reminder to keep us loving only God and nothing else...for if we love anything else, this reminder will only make us panic and despair. But if we love only Christ, it makes no difference if we live or die.)

However, in the short meantime, I am thankful for every moment of my life. Father gives me so many glimpses of heaven that sometimes I can't hold it in and have to start laughing. If these mere shadows of the joy to come can overwhelm me, I can't even imagine how satisfied my soul will be one day.

As an example, I love my city. While Austin is not my home, Father has given me many people and moments that remind me of my true home. I love "dates with the city," as Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City would say. I don't consider her a role model, but I definitely understand what she means on that one episode when she talks about going on dates with New York City. I have dates with Austin all the time.

I love the trailer food craze for so many reasons. I love local business and family-owned business, and I love how the quaint atmosphere encourages making new friends as you eat, not to mention making friends with the trailer owners themselves. Last night my friend and I got Moroccan food at a trailer called The Flying Carpet. Since my friend is Moroccan, the man who runs the trailer loved talking to her. He was so friendly and laughed a lot, and his wife and son were also there. His son was so cute, running around and playing. We got some of the food on the house, and we continued talking to the family as we waited and ate. It felt like we were in a small town and had known these people for a long time. His wife, who is Mexican, joked that her son is "Moroxican" and was so kind to us. By the way, the food was PERFECT...absolutely delicious.

It was freezing cold outside. As we walked by Guero's, there was a live Mexican band playing with an accordion. There was a nice outdoor heater on the sidewalk, and the cold of course did not affect the line at Amy's Ice Creams. The atmosphere was just beautiful. 

Then we went to a cute place called "Snack Bar" and got hot chocolate. It was delicious, but I'd forgotten to ask for whipped cream. As my friend and I sat there a while talking and watching some weird '80s movie in the background, the waitress brought me another hot chocolate on the house. With whipped cream.

I was so happy. Seriously, count all the little pleasures: the joy of the unexpected, community, unity between cultures, music, delicious food, familial love, warmth, the good kind of cold, generosity...I saw all these truly heavenly things in a simple night outing. Each moment was orchestrated by my Father, just to give me a taste of home.

God created the wonderful things in the material world to point us to heaven. It is not wrong to enjoy them. It is wrong to worship them. As C.S. Lewis writes, "Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home."

Right now, life is pretty good. But there will be moments, and have been moments, when I long for my home so much it hurts. Each stage of life is a blessing. The moments of contentment and happiness give us just the tiniest taste of heaven, but the times when the world completely forsakes us provide a beautiful bittersweet joy as we look forward to Christ's return. Some of my most intimate moments with Christ have been when I felt so overcome by pain that I didn't even want to wake up in the morning, but that's when His power was most evident as He carried me through the day. What's amazing is that even in our pain, we can receive glimpses of heaven as He reminds us just how perfect He is.

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.'" Revelation 21:1-4

I can't wait until He returns. These glimpses will be ours for eternity.

Inspired by articles on RelevantMagazine.com called "Everyone Wants to Go to Heaven, Just Not Yet" and "A More Materialistic Christmas."