Becky's Top 5 Funny Bible Verses

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Sometimes when I am reading the Bible to gain wisdom, insight, conviction, etc., I also gain some laughter. Here are a few verses that crack me up, in no particular order.

1. Proverbs 25:16

If you find honey, eat just enough--too much of it, and you will vomit.


Actually, it's funnier in the King James version: 
Hast thou found honey? eat so much as is sufficient for thee, lest thou be filled therewith, and vomit it.


Wise words, wise words.

2. Proverbs 27:14

If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.


Yes. I wholeheartedly agree with this statement.

3. Proverbs 25:17

Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house--too much of you, and he will hate you.


'Nuff said.

4. Numbers 22:30

The donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?" "No," he said.


("No?" That's it? I would've jumped off that donkey and been like OMG A TALKING DONKEY!!!)

Again, funnier in King James:

And the ass said unto Balaam, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? and he said, Nay.

And he said, Nay. That's funny just by itself. 

Especially since he's talking to a donkey and not a horse...I mean, come on. It should be "And he said, Bray."

5. Acts 2:15

This one needs some background info. So after the Holy Spirit makes it raaaaain (fire, that is), the apostles start speaking in a bunch of different languages they don't know in front of tons of people. Crazy stuff. Since everyone in the crowd knows these aren't ridiculously educated men who just happen to know every language in the known world, they say, "They have had too much wine!" in 2:13. (Seriously, get me some of that wine if it can make me talk in a language I don't know...it would be a lot of help while living overseas!) Peter, of course, gets up and corrects them, but in what way? Does he give a sermon on the sinfulness of being drunk? Does he get offended at the thought that such holy men of God could possibly be drunk? Here's how he reasons: 

"These men are not drunk... It's only nine in the morning!"

Can't argue with that.

Honorable Mention

Another one that didn't make the top five but that is definitely an honorable mention is Acts 20:9, in which  Paul rambles on for so long that a young guy named Eutychus actually falls asleep on the windowsill and then falls out and dies. Don't worry, Paul raises him back to life afterwards. No big deal. But parents who really don't want their kids to fall asleep in church should definitely read them this for a bedtime story!