I see a lot of fear in dating.
Does this person like me? What if they don’t? What if there’s someone better out there for me? Maybe I should keep “talking” to someone else, just in case this person doesn’t work out. Maybe I’ll keep dating this guy a little longer even though I know he isn’t right for me, just to see if I can make him right.
We don’t know each other well enough. We think that by drinking and pressing up against each other, we can somehow get into each other’s souls. When it comes down to it, I think that’s the motivation of getting drunk, anyway. It makes us more open, it casts out our fear…until morning, when we’re afraid about what we did or who saw us behave a certain way, afraid of who we opened our hearts to…so then we drink again to suppress our fear. It doesn’t matter how closely your chest is pressed against another person’s back, how much of their sweat ends up on you; you’ll never get to know their heart that way. Not that dancing isn’t fun, and not that dating isn’t fun, but where is the reality that we long for in life? How much of what we say to others is real, and how often do we hold things back that we want to say because we’re so afraid the other person will hurt us, or even worse, that we’ll hurt them?
Sometimes I just want to be at the next stage of life. I want to skip all this tiresome, fearful searching and just be married already. I’m afraid of being open with someone because I’m afraid they’ll be the wrong person, and I’m afraid of what they’ll think of my heart. I shouldn’t be afraid of that, but I am because we’re not delicate with other people’s hearts. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we cradle them in our arms, and we don’t treat each person’s heart as the precious, fragile gift that it is. We want to be honest, but honesty hurts. And honesty isn't always comfortable.
You know why we love the climaxes of movies? Because in those moments, people finally say what they mean. The hero rushes into the church just as the minister says, “Speak now, or forever hold your peace.” At that point, is he even thinking, “What if she just stares at me blankly and says she loves the other guy more, or that I’m being stupid, and all my dreams evaporate into humiliation?” Is he afraid? No, because his love is so perfect that it has cast out all his fear. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him, he’s not afraid of the future, he only knows that right now he must speak because the other guy doesn’t love her like he does, or because the hero did something to hurt her and wants one last chance to show her how much he cares for her. This girl means so much more to him than his own pride, and not just his pride, but his entire self.
Lately I’ve been praying that God will make me perfect in love, so I can say what I feel and do what I know is right without fear of being wrong or being shamed or being friendless. How often have we wanted to say things like, “I really want to get to know you better,” or “I came here just so I could talk to you,” or “It made my day to see you,” or "You're the kindest person I know," but haven’t because we are afraid that the other person will misinterpret us or run from us, that our cradled heart will be thrown away?
And of course you may be thinking, well, Becky, that all sounds great, but the fact remains that my heart CAN be thrown away. If that person misinterprets me, how will I repair the relationship? I think, however, that this stems from a misunderstanding of what perfect love is. Perfect love does not need reciprocation; it always hopes and always perseveres because it knows that hearts do exist that will reciprocate, that won’t misunderstand, that won’t run away. Perfect love is not about being loved, it is about valuing others so highly that you don’t care what they do to you or what they think of you, as long as you can serve them. I want this kind of love so badly, this truly Christ-like love. I think some of us cradle broken hearts, or even potentially broken hearts, or hide unbroken ones with shields on all sides, not because “we’ve been hurt and we’re just fragile” or anything silly like that. We hide our hearts because we do not have perfect love. Our hearts do not have enough love to withstand rejection…our hearts, in fact, contain more pride than love. And how can we ever love someone the way Christ has loved us if we have a heart full of pride?
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