Jesus Loves You

"Jesus loves you," she was assured, by people with big smiling faces who promptly went home to their big homes with big white families inside to eat a big Sunday dinner and watch football on a big TV.

"Jesus loves me," she sang with the rest of the kids in the Sunday School class, even though she might as well have been of a different species the way they wouldn't talk to her and giggled when she walked in.

"Jesus loves everyone," she was told she must tell others in order to be a good girl, by a pastor who didn't know her name and was more concerned about how many people came to a building each week than how many little girls didn't have a nice big family like his to go home to.

"Jesus loves the world," a cool video said, and she was told to go to Haiti and help build a home for orphans. But she didn't have the money to go with the rest of the youth group, and her parents thought it was pointless anyway, so she just longingly looked at the Facebook photos of the $70-Chacos-wearing youth group smiling with cute Haitian children.

And then, one day as she invisibly walked home from school with a heavy-laden backpack, not invited to get ice cream with the rest of the school friends who would then tell her Jesus loved her on Sunday at youth group, someone called her name.

"Hey!" said a girl from the wrong side of the tracks, wearing dirty white sneakers and a nose ring. They'd talked a couple times in homeroom and realized they lived in the same neighborhood and liked the same TV show. "You want to come eat with my family and me? And then maybe we can watch TV!"

In that moment, for the first time in a long time, she wondered if someone up there just might love her.

the deep, strong, blessed restlessness

But even though errors are numerous, truths are still only one, and there is only one who is “the Way and the Life,” only one guidance that indeed leads a person through life to life. Thousands upon thousands carry a name by which it is indicated that they have chosen this guidance, that they belong to the Lord Jesus Christ, after whom they call themselves Christians, that they are his bond-servants, whether they be masters or servants, slaves or freeborn, men or women. Christians they call themselves and they also call themselves by other names, and all of them designate the relation to this one guidance. They call themselves believers and thereby signify that they are pilgrims, strangers and aliens in the world. Indeed, a staff in the hand does not identify a pilgrim as definitely as calling oneself a believer publicly testifies that one is on a journey, because faith simply means: What I am seeking is not here, and for that very reason I believe it. Faith expressly signifies the deep, strong, blessed restlessness that drives the believer so that he cannot settle down at rest in this world, and therefore the person who has settled down completely at rest has also ceased to be a believer, because a believer cannot sit still as one sits with a pilgrim's staff in one's hand – a believer travels forward. 

Soren Kierkegaard

Chronicling, Commanding and Condoning

I've seen this image floating around on websites like Facebook and Pinterest.

The point I believe it's trying to make is that, first of all, gay marriage shouldn't be wrong because it's a lot better than some other marriages cited in the Bible, and second of all, that "traditional marriage" isn't even necessarily one man and one woman. Yes, I understand that it's a joke. But I also understand that it could give rise to some big problems.

In the process of getting its point across, it suggests harmful half-truths. There is a lot of damage being done because people are seeing this graphic who have not read the Bible, and they are now thinking that the Bible is a backwards, outdated book no one should take seriously today (actually, this is probably just reinforcing previous conceptions). Graphics like this give people an excuse to write off the Bible (not just write off, but downright hate it) and doubt its relevance. This graphic does not allow for the complexity and the massive time span of the book, which is unlike any other in the world as far as the sheer number of writers and the incredible span of time and cultures.

Because I'm reading through the Bible chronologically, I just finished reading probably the most "shocking" books in the Bible, and they all appear on this graphic: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy (also Judges, which does not appear on this graphic but is also a pretty rough book to read). So this stuff's all pretty fresh in my memory.

First of all, let me say that I'm not writing this as someone who's just trying to raise a defense for my own point of view. I will be honest and say up front that there are some things in the Bible that I don't understand, and that at this point in time am not qualified to explain. But I also feel that I have to stand up for the whole truth, and I'd like to think that I would uphold this principle even if it meant fighting for someone who does not share my point of view.

Some fundamental truths to understand about the Bible: Much of it is comprised of stories that are not necessarily meant to be parables, or to be emulated in any way, but rather to be historical accounts of events that occurred. In fact, there are two books that most people find very boring - 1 Chronicles and 2 Chronicles - that really are just lists of who was whose son and how long each guy lived. Just because something is chronicled in the Bible does not mean that God condoned it or commanded it, or that it's an example for our behavior.

Another fundamental truth: God is holy, and His standard of justice is higher than ours. Even as a Christian, this is one aspect that I often find difficult to understand or even agree with on my own. As a human, my way seems right to me, but in reality, God alone is the judge (Proverbs 21:2). So sometimes the things God condones or commands may seem very harsh, especially in the older books of the Bible, but these instances underline the fact that God hates wrongdoing much more than we do. But in the same way, He loves goodness and truth much more than we do.

The Bible does chronicle that many men had several wives and/or concubines in the old times, even men who were counted righteous before God and otherwise served him with all their hearts. However, nowhere does God command or commend this behavior. In fact, Deuteronomy 17:17 even says that kings should not have multiple wives. Other than that, old books of the Bible are not didactic about this matter. Nevertheless, anyone who studies the Old Testament cannot help but come away with the knowledge that having multiple wives causes problems. (Who'd have thought, right?) Just look at the relationship struggles of Abraham, Jacob, and David, for starters. Seriously, what a headache.

The "wives subordinate to their husbands" phrase does not do justice to the Hebrew ezer kenegdo, which means something like a helper who comes alongside. This is the term God used to describe woman at the beginning. Other than woman, guess who the phrase usually refers to when it's used in the Old Testament? God. The phrase does not refer to a servant to be trampled upon, but rather help that comes from above, a kind of rescue in times of trouble. Granted, at the Fall, God said that the husband would rule over the wife, but this is a result of sin twisting the way we relate to each other; this is not the way God wants relationships between husbands and wives to be. Later, in the New Testament, we are told that a godly husband's leadership should take the form of Christlike love and sacrifice. I could go more deeply on this subject, but there are entire books that do that. As for interfaith marriages, they are forbidden for the people's own good, because God wants us to be of one heart and mind rather than having strife and distance in marriage. Also, arranged marriages were the rule for hundreds of years across cultures, and still are in many. This practice was definitely not confined to the Bible, and I would argue it is not inherently bad but can be twisted by sin, like everything else.

God's commands are probably the most difficult issues to wrestle with here. Some of them are much easier to understand within context. For instance, the law about a brother-in-law marrying his brother's widow was actually of benefit to the woman in that time period. As many stories in the Old Testament reveal, having a child, especially a son, was considered vital. A woman often would agonize until she had been blessed in that way (Rachel and Leah even used having children as a kind of one-upmanship). Most women must have seen this law as a way to ensure their happiness. Hardly any would have dreamed of saying, "What?! I'm being forced to marry my brother-in-law since my first husband died and left me without a son?!" They just wouldn't have seen it that way. They would have rejoiced that they still had a chance to have a son.

Another law that makes sense within the culture is that of a rape victim marrying her rapist. Again, this is definitely not God's ideal marriage. Nevertheless, this law was given to protect the woman. I just got done watching Pride and Prejudice. The situation with Lydia in that movie is a little bit different because, of course, she loves Mr. Wickham and deliberately runs away with him. But the principle is similar. Had Lydia parted from Mr. Wickham without getting married, she would have been seen as "tarnished forever" in Victorian culture. Her only chance for marriage and children, and therefore "happiness" for her in that time period, was with this man. Free him from his obligation to marry her, and the woman will hardly rejoice in either culture. In fact, this Old Testament law could be seen as much better than what happened in Lydia's situation. Mr. Wickham had to be secretly bought off in order to marry her, whereas the Old Testament law commands that the man who has done such a thing pay restitution.

But then there are other commands that seem shocking even given the historical context. Moses commanding that every Midianite be killed seems horrific, as well as his commanding that the soldiers take the unmarried women for themselves. However, the book of Judges sheds a little light on this situation. In Judges, God also commands that the Israelites kill every single person in the places they are overtaking, without mercy. But this time, they do not obey. And by the end of Judges, the things that are happening in Israel are so depraved that even the reader almost wants God to smite the people off the face of the earth. The Israelites are completely corrupted by the people they let survive. Again, the Bible isn't didactic about this. It doesn't say, "Now see kids, if the Benjamites had just obeyed...." No. The book relates the monstrous things that are happening, the twisted moral code, the unthinkable ways people are treating each other, and simply says repeatedly, "In those days Israel had no king; every man did as he saw fit." So even though God's standard of justice might seem too harsh much of the time, we discover that it is necessary because of human depravity.

God does command that a woman be stoned who is found to not be a virgin when she is married, but this is in line with all the rest of his commands on adultery and many other sins, which generally demand death. The fact is, the penalty for sin has always been death, according to the Bible. When Jesus came and fulfilled all the requirements of the law by his death, our obedience to God took a different form, but the principle remains the same. I can only receive mercy because Jesus took my judgment, not because God lowered his standard of justice. I deserve death and am spiritually dead in my sin (and in most countries, including the United States and especially my beloved Texas, can easily be put to physical death for my sin), and I cannot stand before a holy God. The only way to the life abundant here as well as life eternal is to be covered by the sacrifice of Jesus. Again, this is not my standard of justice. Mine is much lower. But then again, I am not God. I did not watch as my beautiful creation that I had breathed into existence and carefully crafted into perfection welcomed death and destruction with open arms. I did not watch as my creations began murdering each other, began raping each other, began stealing from each other. I am not qualified to be the ultimate Judge.

I know these explanations will not settle all the issues brought up by the graphic, nor will they persuade people to agree with the biblical point of view who don't already, but hopefully they at least shed some light on what is really written and the meaning behind it.

Love,
Your fellow truthseeker

A New Year

Wow, it's a new year.

The rest of you may think, Becky, that happened a month ago! Why are you just now doing your New Year's reflections?

Well, I'm in a place where the Lunar New Year is a bigger deal than the Solar, so I'm aligning my reflecting accordingly.

It was hard being by myself. Yet I praise God for teaching me through that time that I CAN live by myself, that He really IS enough, that I really am enough. If I live by myself in the future when I go back to the United States, Father has taught me that I can handle it and even love it. I learned to truly enjoy "nesting" and making a place my own.

Now that I have a dear friend here living with me and sharing experiences with me, I want to learn to appreciate and love her the way Jesus does. I'm not very good at loving, and I naturally think of myself more than others. But what am I if I have not love? Nothing else matters. Living by myself, I had to learn to love myself and even enjoy myself better. Now living with another person again, I am journeying through learning more submission, satisfaction, and selfless love.

Not to mention learning where a particularly delightful gelato place is that is run by a man who studied in Canada and New York and speaks excellent English! Discovering this shop provided an excellent sense of continuity as it's the same kind of place I would patronize in Austin. A local business, started by someone with a creative, entrepreneurial spirit.

No real reflection here, this is just our apartment complex two nights ago on New Year's Eve. This is just one of the many firecrackers...the lit-up stairwells you can see to the right also have flashing firecrackers, and the sky to the top left has fireworks. It really sounded like a war zone!

Some kids up on the roof of our apartment doing their own firecrackers. Later that night we also went out with friends to shoot off fireworks. While it was fun to hang out with the local people and do what they do, it was also challenging because we were outside from midnight to 2 am and it was bitterly cold. (That's right, we were THOSE guys who are still shooting off fireworks 2 hours after New Year's). Rachel and I enjoyed the sparklers but were not brave enough to actually shoot off any fireworks. :-) We were very happy to get back home, eat some peanut butter crackers and drink hot chocolate with the heater on, and watch a Friends episode before bed!

This year, I want to be a swinger of birches (er...vines?) like the Robert Frost poem. I'm so often caught up in pride and controlling things, and wanting to measure up and be counted adequate and worthy. I would really rather just enjoy and trust Father like a child, and not worry about what people think about me and what I'm doing.

Climbed a mountain (well, hill, really, but still good exercise!) on New Year's Day. I think that's supposed to be good luck or something. Anyway, I don't want to think of any mountains as insurmountable, because of the power that works within me. There are so many challenges looming ahead in my time here and I feel like I'm on a time crunch, and I keep wondering what will happen if my dreams don't come true, if I will look like a failure or if I will not be someone to look up to. The way I've been thinking constantly centers on me, yet I don't want to focus on my power but on His. As I'm reading through the Old Testament about Father refusing to fight for the people unless it was through crazy ways like marching around a city with trumpet-blowing, or only taking 300 men who lapped water like dogs and sending the rest home, I'm reminded that He still works like this. If I shine, He will not receive the glory. He must become greater, I must become less.

The fireworks show downtown last night! We didn't dare brave the crowds to try to get to where they were actually fired, but we walked to a bridge relatively close to our apartment and had a great view from there.

According to a friend, the city spends millions of the local currency on this fireworks show every year.

It was like the 4th of July in winter!

Some of the crowd that gathered to watch the display

Nothing to do with New Year's, but i'd never seen this little park before and thought it was so cool! There's even a little bridge where you can walk over part of the waterfall.

My last two thoughts. Here is a song that really spoke to me recently and that I want to be a sort of motto for my life:

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast
Save in the death of Christ my God.
All the vain things that charm me most
I sacrifice them to His blood.

See, from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down.
Did e'er such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Were the whole realm of nature mine, 
That were an offering far too small.
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all. 

Somehow, this song reminded me of how desperately I need to know him. I already know Him in the sense of salvation, but now and then I encounter someone, like this little girl  http://www.godvine.com/12-Year-Old-Prodigy-Paints-her-Visions-of-Heaven-43.html who talks about him like an old friend. I mean, whose eyes seem to go far away, and a smile crinkles their mouth, as they think of memories with him, fights with him, moments of incredible closeness and awe. Someone who laughs when they think about him, cries when they think about him. This is the kind of closeness I want. I think I'm on the way, but I haven't yet reached it. I feel that if I do, life will be so natural. I will talk to him expecting Him to speak back. I will seek more earnestly for answers because I will have more faith that they are coming. I will live with more certainty as I hear his voice affirming that I am exactly where He wants me. I will never feel alone.

So I look forward to another year of enjoying His presence, His teaching, His blessings, and His revelation.

The Least of These

"Again this Christmas babies will be born in ramshackle homes. Herod will not try to kill them, but their drinking water will. Again Jesus will turn our hearts to children. We who still hear angels will journey to see Christ in the least of these. Our camels traded for drill rigs, we will bear the gift of life: clean drinking water, offered in Jesus’ name. Mothers will treasure these things in their hearts. This is full worship."

- Living Water International's Advent Conspiracy

Beautiful paragraph. Since I'm not building a well, I'm trying to figure out what full worship looks like for me this season and always. Who are my "least of these"? I can always give money, but how can I give of myself? This is what I am pondering. Right towards the end of my time in Austin, I began talking with homeless people more and seeking them out. Not necessarily by giving money, but by giving my time. Listening to them. Seeking to understand them.

Now I find myself in a place in which I cannot communicate with the homeless people. I am surrounded by "the least of these," at least compared to American standards - people who live in garages, people without water heaters or space heaters, people who wear the same clothes almost everyday, homeless people, mentally ill people who have not received proper care. But they can't even speak the national language correctly, much less English. So I wonder, how on earth can I show love to them?

I saw this man on a street downtown the other day. I was actually a little scared. Here's the thing: we romanticize giving to the least of these. We like to think everyone who is poor is sweet and grateful and just such a wonderful person if only we knew them. But some of them aren't. A lot of them are mentally ill, or they don't trust anyone and will steal from you because that's all they know how to do, or they are not good-looking, or they smell bad.

I think this man downtown was mentally ill. As I stood there struggling inwardly as this man sang loudly off-key with a bucket full of money in front of him while a crowd gathered round, I thought, I wish I were Paul. I wish I were Peter. If I were, I could go up to him, lay hands on him and say "Be healed" or "Come out of him" in Jesus' name and immediately he would get up, the hair would stop growing in funny places, and he would be sane. Of course, I know the same power that lived in them lives in me, but I often don't really believe that in my heart.

This is just one example of the many times I have struggled with how to love the least of these. I don't really have any solution or resolution to this, but it's something I continue to pray and seek Father about. Not that these two acts are unimportant, but are praying and giving money really all I can do? Is that what people in Acts did? Is that what Father has called me to do?

It's humbling to realize that, to many people here, I could be considered one of "the least of these." I am an alien. I don't speak the language well yet. As much as I've learned about the culture, I'm still pretty ignorant. I need help from a friend with something as simple as exchanging something at a store or taking a trip to the police station.

And this is when I realize that, as sinful people, as sheep without a shepherd (or sheep who know the Shepherd but often struggle to follow him), we are all the least of these. We in our pride like to think that "the least of these" are always other people - the starving children, or the mentally ill homeless men - but I don't think we can even begin to relate to them or understand them this season unless we recognize our own poverty before Father. I am no one's savior; I am the one in need of rescuing, the one in need of help, the one in need of mercy, time and time again.

Hulu Mian

So a couple weekends ago, I went fruit-and-vegetable picking. See my awesome hat:

I had lots of fun. Got tons of little oranges, some starfruit, cilantro, peanuts, a pumpkin...

and a calabash. Also known as a hulu, or a bottle gourd.

Wait, what?

I know.

Here's what they look like. Totally awesome, right? One of the farmers cuts one off the vine before I can say anything. I'm like the proverbial LOLCat: "I has a gourd...what I do wif it?"

My first thought was, I wish I had a vine of miniatures to string around my Christmas tree.

Then I considered turning Rastafarian when I discovered they often make bottles or instruments out of the calabash...until I realized it takes more than 6 months to dry one out. Not worth it.

So finally I decided to cook it. I found a very imprecise recipe for hulu mian, or calabash noodle soup. I thought, well, this sounds good. So I gathered all the ingredients and began to carve:

As you can see, it was a bit...stubborn. My poor little knife was not up to the task. Think how difficult it would be to carve and scoop out a pumpkin if it was not nice and round and open. That's how this was.

BRAAAAAAAAAINS

The smell, taste and texture were a lot like a potato. Tons of seeds in the middle like a pumpkin though! I didn't taste it raw because these are sometimes toxic when uncooked.

So basically I scooped out the gourd (which took FOREVER) and cut it into small strips, mixed some pork, soy sauce, corn starch, and chicken broth together and made some noodles, and this was the result:

Not bad! Nice on a cold day. But WAY too much trouble. It's much easier to just use a good old potato. Fun adventure though!

*Note: This is not about to become a cooking blog, but I thought this would be an interesting experience to share. Haha!

Unblushing Promises

I've been having more bad dreams than usual lately. Last night I had one that woke me up early, tense and short of breath. I've lived a whole day since then, so all I can really remember was that in the dream I was completely alone in a gloomy house, and when I flipped lights on, they were dim and eerie and would never get any brighter. Then at some point in the dream, I realized I was cut off from everyone else in the world, like a ghost, and they didn't even know I existed. And I was doomed to live that way.

That was frightening.

But you know what's wonderful? No sooner did I wake up and get a grip of where I was, and I felt the Father's presence. I was able to smile and worship for a bit and laugh with joy at the fact that I am never alone.

And I just sat in awe for a bit of how much I am really promised.

My life will only get better because I have an eternal one to look forward to. One without bad dreams, without body aches, without shortness of breath. With not even one tear. With no pain or suffering, because these things will have passed away.

WOW...forever? Really? FOREVER? And all we have to do to get that is to run the (if we're "lucky") 100-year race with Jesus that we've been assigned on earth? All we have to do is have one grand adventure of a life, one spent on things of eternal significance? And we get to be one with Jesus, and we get to rest in the Spirit, even here? What an incredible deal!

That I know for sure, without a doubt, that I do not have to fear eternal darkness. That even now, as soon as I call on my Savior, darkness runs away as fast as it can. I know, when I have dreams like that, that they are only dreams that will never become reality. I know that fear, evil, and sin have no power over me. And I know this without a doubt. There are no "maybe if I'm good enough"s or "maybe my next life will be better" or "maybe if I frantically try to do good every moment of everyday, it will outweigh the bad I have done." Father has thrown away the scales! The hands that some say hold judgment scales are actually empty, palms open, ready and longing to welcome His sons and daughters into His kingdom. There are no judgment scales for those who know Him; there is only a mercy seat, with the One who sits on it beckoning, "Anyone who is thirsty, come!"

Confidence in salvation. I am ashamed at how little I rejoice in this. I don't have those dark moments in a corner of my room in which I wonder if I'm really redeemed, if I'm really in the Bride, if I will really be presented white as snow, spotless and sparkling. I don't have those lingering doubts, those little fears...and it has nothing to do with how great I am. I don't even have those fears when I mess up royally. And it's not because I don't recognize the gravity of my sin, it's because His promises are true. He doesn't promise anything on which He does not deliver. Since the rainbow has been in the sky, He has never again flooded the entire earth. He made both Israel and Ishmael into great nations. He sent the promised Savior into the world, that the people in darkness may see a great light. Therefore, I know that if He has promised I will live with Him forever, I have a glorious chamber which He is preparing for me.

"All glorious is the princess within her chamber...In embroidered garments she is led to the King..." Psalm 45
"I go to prepare a place for you." John 14:2

That He has a perfect, unshakable plan for my life. He doesn't have to care about these <100 measly years on this earth, but He cares about even those. He sees every long red wavy hair that gets lost in my hairbrush or that falls to the ground. And some years from now, He will number my white hairs with just as much love and care. So every trial, every victory, every moment of tears, every moment of laughter, is perfect if only because it is orchestrated by my perfect King who will welcome me after all the trials are over with. Who will look at me as a groom looks at his bride. "Well done, my good and faithful servant." "Come...take the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world."

What are the "pleasures" of this earth compared with the promises of my Lord? What does this world have to offer?

"If we consider the unblushing promises of reward promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desire not too strong, but too weak." C.S. Lewis

May we have a passion and desire for Him that is worthy of the unblushing promises He has given us.